*

crackpot life
filled with
jars of half eaten
peanut butter
stuck to the roofs
of the sad child's mouth
renders her speechless

hard to believe
that...this day
years ago
my mother
was in labor
with me

i was not
to come out
until i believe
8p
a night child
with a vision
clear at times
the clarity
fogged
with earthliness
at others

once wounded
the soul
never can repair
itself
like spare
parts on car
on spare hearts
and livers
donated
it doesn't matter
the bird
is still
a groundling
and can never
quite
get off
the nest
in time

like the blonde
kitty
stuck in that
litter of black kitties
all brand new
their hair
was all stickin'
straight out
but for one
blonde kitty
who wanted to jump
off the ledge
and come to me
and i told it
not to
because i
couldn't take it
but there it was
the one
always one
who tries
to jump
out of the
nest early
and then later
comes back
to reclaim
it's spot
and find it
gone forever
from the place
that had
the welcome
mat in front of it

it's just
something a person
doesn't get over
and how can you?
when there's no
mirror to bounce
your past life
off of
because your
cruel father
closed
that door
too when
mother passed
he sealed
the coffin
shut with her
ash screaming
at last
free me!

and in his
anger and spite
he devours
his own kind
and closes the door
forever
so the child
can never
come back
and compare
notes with others
on how it used
to be
and she's
a groundling
the ugly bird
naked
first birth
crying
out of hunger
and loneliness
and hate
for the world
that leaves
it naked
and frozen
in half spoken
dim lit
dens
where
the only
thing holding
the air
together
is the smoke
from that
smoldering ash