*

written while hearing "Aja"

so it seems
more later
than normal,
the latest round
of years
is slowly
blending
bending
inwards
into the big
picture
the purple
puzzle
however,
complex,

so it won't fit
it never did
what gives?
my puzzle
never fit
in any type
of reality
anyhow
why should
i now
be shocked
when i can't
get the pieces
to cooperate?

there have been
so many good years
fun times
that this latest
round
of tragedy
will never change
it's mind
but i choose
to adapt
it into
the huge
frame
and look
at it
a little
more objectively
and see that
it is what it is
just a life
a complicated
picture
where the frames
cannot
even begin
to give
notice
to the design

like a pair
of square
glasses
on an odd shaped
pear

it doesn't matter
the piece
doesn't fit
and i don't care
so long as i've found it
i'm already there

making it fit
wasn't an option
at birth

it wasn't my idea
it all happened
and i play my part
like any actor
in the tragic
character role
of their lifetime

i lived through it
for all the world to view
and still,
they spit
and spew
their venom
on me
as if
their lives
are untouchable
and their hearts
are too true
for such tragedy

i beg the pardon
of noone
but God
above me
who has adopted me
as his own child
since the towers
went down

my vision
my lost piece
i know i tried
to keep it from
going into the
mirage that day
riding highway one
on the bay

i knew then
what was to come
and looked at each one
of my loved ones
and knew that would
be the last time
we would ever know
such happiness

my mother
my uncle
on the dock
eating oysters
drinking iced tea
the bay
i walk the beach
searching for shells
and find
it empty
no shells
to take with me
as a momento
that day
just an image
in my head

i'm walking
the cool breeze
from the pacific
is blowing my hair
astray

i know if
i glance away
once
it will all be
a dream
and i want
part of my life
to stay alive
after i die
because it

wasn't all wrong
life happens
to people,

it happens

to change them,

however

for the better

the worse

or tragically

for no reason

at all

but to cause

hurt

tragedy
it's not a choice
there is no option
there is no
bargaining before hand,
no huge warning sign,
no sirens going off,
just a slow
mental collapse of years
spent
trying to relax
the mind of mother
from her death option

my misunderstanding
of the whole human dynamics
in my family
finally figuring out
the truth
i always wished
was never going to be
a part of any undoing
to any of the good

it did
and it's done
and one was
struck down
though it makes
little difference
to me now

revenge
is a form
of bondage
that i refuse
to endorse

letting go
is always an issue
but the current
blending in
of the dark colors
of the puzzle
are sending nice
rays of new light
upon a puzzle
that refused
to ever delight
in any kind of luck
or fate
or fortune

it's a piece
of it's own making
i watch it break apart
i allow it to fall
into place,
the years
the pace
so slow
like a death
in motion
a sickness
a long illness
gone unattended

alas,
the piece
doesn't fit
i'll chew it
and swallow it
and hold my own
and move on
past the worms
who gather around me
beyond
the grey masses
of doomsday
naysayers
who wish
harm to me

they all despise
the life in me

i wish them
only distance
apart from me

noone told
me i had to forgive
there are too many
things the heart
cannot openly
be forced
or coerced into doing
when it goes
against the grain
of moral strength

i'm human
the only promise
i ever made
was to survive
to see my child
thrive in this life

the rest is a mess
i opt out of

Puff