color my world

my world
colorless
again

a dull
empty grey
matter
of
clay

if color
is to be
displayed
let my
dripping
spray
all over
the pages
of my
book
of lost
dying
dreams

the seams
split wide
the wound
left to
decompose
into it's
own death like
mortal
illness

it becomes
colorless
as the moon

a sweeping
broom
across
the room
collect
the dust
that displays
the mustiness
of leftover
sadness

a decay
a false hope
a leg
caught
on display
the lightning
hit my eyes
as i lay
in the field
that once
housed
the animals
and i caught
myself
in the wire
and let
myself
bleed out
so i could
see the color
red

so long
as i see
the color
feel the pain,
then surely
life must
remain
in the
ticking
heart

i'm not dead yet
but i'm
hollow
inside
like a
shadow
that follows
the moon
as it glides
over the
countryside

playing
itself out
too

the yellow
no longer
light
the fields
of lying
dandys

they sit
motionless
unreal
in it's
earthlike
setting
waiting
for the kill

it's no longer
a matter
of my
getting well
i'm not sick
i simply
know
too much
way more
than
a heart
needs to know
in one lifetime

having been
hurt
and betrayed
by
everyone
now
wear the
blood scarlet
letter
on my
dull grey sweater
and let it
drip the life
out of itself
until i spread
out in mass
and due form
process
like ash
and float
across
the hollow sky
that ever so
lies with it's
colorless hue


and the ones
i loved the most
never once
betrayed
my trust
and they
are mere
ashes
and dust
and I,
the bloody
clay
being
subject
to the subpeona
from hell
and i won't
answer
and i watch
the spider web
of last summer
still untouched
the cricket
the spider
the bee
all wrapped up
like a
mummified
summer
that was
mortified
in a haunting
everlasting
testimony
of what could
have been
a childhood
laughter
began
and the
hurting
is never ending

like a foot soldier
with
a glass
compass
i take my time
to die

and i wear
the broken
barbed wire
around
surrounding
my heart
with an
untouched
inner shame
of losing
when knowing
the ways
of winning
would
open the wounds
to an
everlasting
doom
with
the
devil
that
always
resides
forever
looms
such
grey gloom
around my
life
like
a black
raven
on mother's row
of fence posts

they must
forever know
they have to go
from my world
or i'll spin
them out of gear
so fast
none of us
will hear
the blast
my bloody
heart
makes
upon it's
final explosion

and swear
i wear
mother's
red garnet
and bleed
upon her
death stone
and weep
alone
upon
my
grandmother's
tattered
black Bible
that i will
not part
from this
heaven
that waits

for my soul
to impart
the devil
is walking
amongst
the beings
and there
are sightings
and see ins
and human
be ins
are of the
past

and the hurt
in inevitably
malignant
spreading
like an
open spear
in the heart
that bears
witness
to all hell
it hears
and i can't
begin
to know
where the
line was
drawn
but i crossed
it and made
it over alive
and it's been
like naked
honey in
an open
angry beehive
ever since

and Christ
above
will not even
answer the calls
the world
left off the hook
in the stream
bleeding
out the remains
of the scars
that cremate
the mothers
who never betray
the child

guarded
by nothing
shielded
in between
by a warrier
and a bee sting
a bastard
wearing a
helmet
to pick
up the mail
that never came
and the geese
that were
confused
and missed
the cue
an open rain
season
and hunting
grounds
are prey
for people
with clay
bloody
wounds
from
barbed
wire
blues
on the prowl
the night owl
cries
fowl

the whole
world
expects
me to die
and i'm
merely
a particle
just
trying
to atominize
itself
into the wrong
groove
and it's
not playing
out
a good tune

somewhere
along the lines
the rules
were up
and changed
before my eyes
and

i'm still
the same
and the
world is
spinning
uncycling
unraveling
in minute
screams
before
our time
is due
and
insanity
rules
and
i'm still
trying to
get out
of my
purple
hazed
funk
of denial
and there
is no getting
out
once you step
in to this
undying
madness
of decay
and
an empty
glass
remains
with the
melted ice
of implanted
devices
that hear
every word
we tell
the truth
of our spoken
word
that blesses
all the blue
sky
that has
taken flight
from our skies

i will die
before i live
my life
as a lie
eve's apple
without
a seed
to dream

a deep sea
of sadness
that washes
up all your
madness
to a dried
up shore
where
the ones
who are
living it out
remian
tied like
a knot
breezed
by
in the sky
with a
bloody
knife
in the back
and barbed
wire
tied
around
their hearts
and the
sand is
slipping
through
the madman's
meandering hands
and it's wise
to sit
back
and watch
it all go by
and there's
nothing worse
than knowing
you are in this
for the dead ends
that will
decay
your insides
and you will
eat the heart
of your own
bloody young
if you follow
the rules
they have
now claimed
they have won
when victory
is only
a thing
made in
movies
and
uncleanse
the soul
and wait
on the waiting
to come
and take
the good
and leave
what Christ
can no longer
carry

welcome
to the game
where the rules
they made
continually change
in their unbook
where they
shun
the only
holy one

there is one
where only
the
true love
of truth
remains
open
into
a deep faith
like an
unfolding
purple rose
in a Cairo
motel
with a wooden
feature film
that never
meant to hold
the ground
it walked on
once
the sand
the man
it's clammy
and cold
in the distant land
and i beg
for the forgiveness
and live
on the faith
that draws
the line
between
the two
that tow
the world
into it's
shattered room
of blue hues
that escaped
my eyes
one too many
death tries
and died
with the
inner child
one finalized
night
with
mother
caught
between
God's sky
and the eye
of the beholder
i lost
the soldier
i became
a walking
warrier
of peace
in the devil's
room of
broken deals
and undelighted
blooms
of wicked
souls
and bitches
who brew
their trade
on other's
with such
hate and tirade
i shame them
into a biblical
diabolical
dream
where they
remain
stone faced
and unfree
frozen
in time
a drop
of the dime

we laughed once
we die
separate
lives
the sky
of God
to open
it's season
upon reason
of great
betrayal
and bitter
tasting disguised
lies
that
create
the rapture
caught
forever
the mourning
loss

in my
mind's eye
where the eagle
crossed
the dove's
made a beeline
for the time
when the
ravens
split the sky
and made
black
a color
that
attacks
my heart
daily