*

just so you know
you are
never
alone
here
freaks

i'm one
step ahead
and two back
coming right up
for my time
walking the
tight rope
spotlight
in place
see the girl
with the
innocent face?
her makeup
is running
isn't it funny?

isn't it what
people do
laugh at
those in
their version
of disgrace

i couldn't
hold god's
grace
any better
than if
he handed
it to me
on a

pure golden
platter

just the same
let's make it
all fit
the show
must go on
drive up
the fork truck
the giant knife
slips easily
dives into
my back side

there is always
someome
willing to give
that knife
a twist
in the back

no doubt
the weary soul
is used to
the misunderstanding
of the caricuture
it has become
quite amusing
to the masses

play it for
all the muse
it's worth
this assinine
anger
grieved
too much
hideous laughter
behing the back
who looks?
who looks?
where the back
side spends
it's night
but the person
who wishes
to inflict
the negative
spin
on to the heart
so pure

it can't outlast

the evil

in such a

disgraceful

place

let them rest
assure
God is watching

spent jocial time
behind my
windswept mind

i write in defense
of nothing
but time spent
on a wasted

ball of shit

so i sit down
and talked
to god
but he
was away
and i said

"you know,hey,
is this tour of duty
up yet coz i've
been waging
this war
for years now
and i'm getting
more than
a bit strained
tired
a derailed train
with a spittoon
hanging on
my chin
languid spit
falling
the bittersweet
taste
the wasted years
where honey
used to fall
like sweet

youthful tears
from eyes
that could see
the tired
truth
inside of me
and i spoke
too soon
didn't listen
and coughed
it up
swallowed
enough pride
to fill it all back
up into
a nothingness
a hole
where
the heart
used to reside
but it too
had to leave
a speakeasy
breeze
took it
when they
layed down rot
into the hole
where innocence
was shot to hell

not having
very far to go

i'm not
laughing
and i've had
this headachef
or a year now

do they have annual tylenol?

it's my story
i own it
i won the
grand prize
ticket to hell
and back
and then some

when i tell it,
my story
people gawk
stare
look in

a beyond

repair despair
at me
the circus freak
it's pathos
in motive loco

resembling
a great sarcasm
at the void left
between
the double
two faced liars
of comedy and tragedy

the double edge
switchblade
relayed
not a day late ever
for the tragic
but always too blunt
for the comic

hear the snickers
feel the whispers
like gotesque shadows
shame of the game
of their own
rolling
dice
die purple die
dice you are
rolling
down my back
breaking
my bones
like cracked ice
in a frozen pond
a slip
a slide
nothing
to ever
grab hold on

too fast

for the

everlast

the circle jerks
are pissing
and puking
all over
the new
sideshow freak
in town

it's hideous
this life
of mine
it's become
indistinguishable
from the mass grave
of the all too sane
insanity
growing
with vibes
negative
going around
spreading
like a thief
wearing
a wiretap wig
a comic

relief

for someone's

black hearted

mystery

no doubt
i'm down
going
nowhere fast
moving slowly
past
my oft
delusional
vision of glory
a day
i will be saved
only a hope
lost
in a cave
where men
hide
from life's
arrows

hope,
it left
me years ago
a bitter taste
of sarcastic sorrow

i didn't ask
for this
stacked deck
of ripped cards
where the joker
steals the hearts
from the queen
every single
last time
a raper, he is
a taker of all
that is never his,
we see this
play out
and put ourselves
out of the scene
stand back
and watch
it all come
undone at
the earthly seams

there's no more
the reason
for this season
of rain
of mankind
inflicted pain
it's all a game
call the piper
the sandman
is even insane

i opt

to avoid
the rest
of my tour
my dutiful
pain filled
more where
the whore
of satan
strips
the joy
and leaves
the lifeboat
with a hole

so the ones

left

with

a kind soul

sink

the lowest

what trickery
don't think
for a minute
i cannot see
without my eyes
i am more
than aware
when a ghost
of harm
is near

can't even
barely score
a shoe in shore
where heaven
waits
bright light galore
i'm going down
into the sound
where the worm
holds the ground
tight around me
surround
me
with silence
until
i bleed again
and know
i'm alive
by the scars
and the blood
running
like tears
down my eyes

with night
nuance
and fade
into an
early grave
save child
and sing
the praises
of my
sad parade

and i am
safe
until hell blows
upward
and god
comes down,

do send them in,

the jesters,
if the clowns
can no longer
dance
then they
will prance
and make
the losers
happy
for a moment
in time

it's a mystery
a riddle
unmatched
by any
cruel giggle

you hear
from the people
who think
they are
the nearer
ones to heaven
the joker
awaits their
evil applause
no just cause
they are doomed
with hatred
and lack of faith
in anything
but greed

i'm not even sublime
i'm merely
doing time
in this hell

this hell
yeah,hell
no doubt
it crept in
when mother
gave her final gasp
and i'm out of this too
mother, you know this too
as i told you

i'll be right
behind you
when you go
the process
such a slow blow
to the spirit
i can
only
create
out of
the great
sorrow
and disdain
i have for
what is
left of
my shattered
life